Outside
by keeponsmilingg
Summary: Zay and Smackle still feel like they don't belong and they discuss what it's like on the outside.


He's late meeting everyone at Topanga's today because Madame Stewart needs Zay to help Emily with a sequence. She's just not getting it, Madame Stewart tells him, and only he has it mastered. They've been focusing on advanced Jazz Tap moves, so classes are him honing his skills this week. Unable to resist a compliment or whenever someone needs help, he's arrived 30 minutes later than usual to meet everyone. He misses the A train, so he takes the E and maneuvers his way through a few connecting stops and crowds until he's back in familiar territory.

Zay descends the steps quickly, knowing he's going to catch some flack from Farkle. The little genius gave him a watch programmed specifically for study group sessions, and Zay still can't figure it out. But he's less worried about Farkle when he notices a familiar figure-the only figure-outside the building. If Smackle's jet black hair, plaid coat, dress, and tights don't give her away, it's her position outside the window of Topanga's. She's on her knees, peeking in, and stiff as a board. She's concentrating hard, but still reacts when Zay settles in beside her.

"Isaiah, sneaking up on those unaware of your presence is unsettling. Please consider this," she says, not once breaking her line of sight.

"Sorry, Smack, but what exactly are you doing?" Smackle is a peculiar girl, and Zay respects all brands of weird, but even this screams abnormal to him.

Zay matches her exact stance and realizes they couldn't look more suspect.

Inside are their four friends. Lucas, Farkle, Riley, and Maya sit in their usual spots. Books open, mugs of hot chocolate empty. They're cozy, laughing, and it's obvious how easy it is between them.

"Awh, look at those guys. All warm with their hot chocolate," Zay says, playfully nudging the girl beside him. He's intent on getting both him and Smackle indoors and not Peeping Tom on their friends.

Smackle turns away and sits back down on the bench. In her red beret, polka dot scarf, and leather gloves, Smackle is better dressed. It's freezing outside-mid November-and Zay's not built for this weather. In Austin, it'd still be at least 60° at sunset and a bonfire going on in someone's backyard. In his double sweatsuit, he could use a bit of central heating. But Smackle's face reads concern, stress, and all around confusion. She grips her pea coat around her frame tighter, and seeing this, Zay moves in closer for warmth. There's hot chocolate waiting inside for the both of them, but he's never seen Smackle like this before. His drink will have to wait.

"You alright?" He realizes he hasn't been prompted to ask her this before. Rather, he's never been this alone or close to her in order to do so, at all.

"Define what you mean by 'all right'", she says, looking up at Zay. She uses the finger quotes, which is incredibly amusing to him.

"What's going on in that super brain of yours?" He asks with a slight grin on his face.

Smackle contemplates his question for several moments and Zay almost regrets asking. He knows there's so much _up_ there that she's probably having trouble sorting it out.

"I know a lot of things, Isaiah. I know quantum mechanics, the most challenging of chemistry equations, but I don't know where I fit? Where do I fit?"

He's always known Smackle to _just know_ , so when her eyes are searching his for answers, it takes him aback. With her whole body turned towards Zay, he becomes aware how close they are. Is this okay? Will Farkle take his watch back?

"Fit?" He isn't sure what she means, but Zay thinks that she would fit perfectly fine in a chair that was indoors, if he was being honest.

Smackle nods her head towards the window.

He looks over his shoulder, and with Topanga's sign blaring right there in his face, he gets it.

"Oh," he sighs, now understanding what's Smackle's been doing at that window.

He's done it himself before. Not staring creepily on benches or window peeping, but Zay catches himself looking from the outside from time to time. It was more frequent in the beginning. He wasn't used to being the unknown or unusual. Back home, he's a Babineaux. Family of 7, everyone knows him, a brother, a sister, or his parents. But in the congested streets of New York City, Zay questions who he is for the first time because no one's there to tell him.

"Hey, I've been there before. I _am_ here."

There comes a combination of a snort and scoff from his right side. Isadora Smackle's raised eyebrow is skeptical. And it is fierce.

"Isaiah Babineaux, you _are_ one of them."

He notices that she doesn't always look at him in the eyes for long, but when she does, she's present. He and Smackle are having a true conversation for the first time, and she's fully there. Paying attention to him.

"I wasn't always," Zay says quietly, more to himself. She hasn't asked him, but he feels she should know they're more alike than she thinks.

He recalls only knowing Lucas on that first day. As much as he tries to be all jokes and smiles, Zay is tanking on the inside. He knows that Lucas has changed, for the better, but that maybe he doesn't have a place for Zay here. So when he taunts that bully, it's a cry that he hopes Lucas will answer. And when he does, it's not fully the same. Which Zay doesn't expect it to be, but how does he maneuver this territory he's so unfamiliar with?

"Those four are _uncomfortably_ close sometimes," he winces. He can see Smackle nod her head in agreement.

"And I mean sure, they laugh with me, but do they notice me?"

It's a question Zay tries not to ask himself often, but here she is, reminding him that maybe he's not so permanent after all.

"I notice you, Isaiah."

There she is with the brief eye contact, but Zay makes sure he catches it this time. Behind those glasses, Smackle eyes are kind and pure. She's telling the truth because Zay knows Smackle doesn't waste her words. And for that, he is honored.

"And I notice _you_. _We_ , notice you," he says pointedly.

"At Einstein, there weren't friends. My classmates were my competition."

It's Smackle's turn to talk and she's not completely open, but Zay is learning more about her. In fact, when Riley and Maya give her a makeover, she tells him, it's the first interactions with girls her age that aren't trying to boost their GPA. It's a less than ideal way to be a student, Zay thinks, grateful that his only competition is with Lucas on the baseball field and with his dance class group.

"What if my relationship with Farkle is the only anchor to this unit?" A new quiet forms between them. She's visibly unsure and while Smackle is usually blunt, this question unsettles her. Which unsettles him.

Zay is reaching for her hand and remembers she's not so fond of that, but Smackle surprises him and meets him halfway. She places her hand on top of his, and it's beyond awkward, but Smackle's effort is enough.

"You're more than your relationship with a guy. I mean Farkle's cool, but you're Smack. The Smack. We like you, for you."

"What does that mean?" She's asking and still holding Zay's hand. He isn't sure if she's asking about the nickname or herself.

"That's for you to figure out," he says, not thinking he has any space to tell someone who they are. "But you're funny, you make Lucas uncomfortable-which is a personal favorite of mine-and you're cool."

At this, Smackle smiles. "You're very interesting and kind. Thank you, Babs."

It's Zay's turn to lift an eyebrow, though he secretly loves the new name and hopes it'll stick.

"I am attempting to be quirky and relatable by giving you a fun nickname."

"This is why I like you," Zay says. He remembers something then from their first day of high school.

"Would you like a hug, Smackle?" He holds his arms out horizontally, just as she did that day. He's grinning like an idiot. Zay fears she doesn't remember when she stares blankly at him, but suddenly she pushes his arms down. "Stop that," she says, and Zay has succeeded at having a moment with Isadora Smackle. Their own callback, their own joke. Something to call theirs from the outside.

"Should we go inside now?" She asks, and finally, his body can rejoice. He jumps from the bench, his legs in pain from the cold. It's the most unexpected part of his day, and he'll be up later with homework, but it's well worth it.

And even though she joins him, before they go, Smackle draws warmth towards him again with her arms around his waist. They're hugging and Zay promises to not take this moment for granted.

"I think I like it better outside," she says into his chest. He thinks so too.


End file.
